It's everywhere

The owner of the pub I work at wants the managers to cut people's hours. The credit crunch hit everyone. I tried to be a pleasant little bumble of joy today and I brought in some croissants and fruit for the everyone.  But I think I take people too seriously, and I just felt at times that people I worked with were talking down to me. On top of that, it was such a stressful day at work. There was a leak in the pipes and I got rubbish pipe stuff all over me in the morning. 

It was one of those days. I think it hit me today how alone I really am out here now. At least before, I had Al living with me so I could come home and talk to her about my issues and stresses. But I don't live with her anymore. My plumber homie was my only other real friend I had here, and now his wife or whatever thinks I'm shagging her man, so I can't even call him! Damn broad pissed me off! I actually feel really bad for her, because I don't think she'll ever trust plumber dude, and he's actually a really nice guy. He actually told me he wanted to work things out with the threatening mad woman just for his little girl's sake. But anyway, it's not about them, this is about me... So yeah, I really take things to heart here as well. Apart from being alone here,  I get really sensitive knowing I'm not from here. I feel like an outsider at times, and then when customers at the pub are rude to me, I take it personally. I don't know why, in New York when I dealt with rude mo fo's, I just brushed it off, but here, especially today, I really took things to heart. And it was at the point where it really bothered me the most, when I realized, I am so alone out here! YIKES. I mean, yea I have great flatmates, but at the end of the day, they still have lives that have nothing to do with me. I'm not part of their system yet, or enough for them to care about me and wait up for me, to hear about my day and know that I got home safely. 

I do think I'm taking strides however. I am still happy. I just realized new things about myself I didn't know. I like coming home with that security of knowing there's someone home to listen to you and care. Peter is almost like that, but not enough. Plumber dude was that, but not anymore. Al is I'm sure struggling herself. Although she has a hot room now that I moved out. FYI, Hugo is a terrible flatmate now- he uses up 8 thousand shelves in the fridge for his food, mind you, there's 3 other people living in the flat! Poor Al.